Life Update

It's almost been 3 and a half months since the tornado ripped through Joplin. I still lay awake some nights in unbelief. I can usually avoid having to drive through the middle of town, but when I cant, it still takes my breath away, and sometimes I still cry.

People are still having conversations about where they were that day. We will never forget it. I dont want to forget.

As for things moving on... they are. Slowly.

Jade's enjoying being in school, and is in the colorguard this year. Yay for parades that I cannot avoid any longer. I suppose I should have a little school spirit.

We have talked to a builder. He's given us a good idea of what to expect. He's sent us a budget list for a floorplan we've sent him. Now we're just waiting for him to get in contact with all of the appropriate people for permits and all that paperwork crap. Hopefully it will be all worked out so that the teams building our house will also be building the Newman's at the same time. That'll be so cool. :)

In October, I will be setting something up for the Art Walk. We're super excited about it. We should have pictures, and I will definately share when it's all done.

And finally: work and the holidays. They have some Christmas ornaments out. All of the candles are spicy, pumpkin and cinnamon, and fall scents that make me think of my mom's house. I found myself almost in tears tonight, while I was scanning some Halloween and fall decorations.

When we found our house last year, we were almost able to close on it before Christmas. We hoped we'd be spending Christmas in a brand-new home. That did not happen, we actually closed the second week of January. But I'd been looking forward to actually having Christmas Eve at my house this year, having the space to actually decorate, and a place I wanted to decorate. I was going to have a new Christmas tree, and smelly candles, and put out all of the cheesy Christmas cookie jars my grandmother gave me.

And now I dont even have that house to decorate anymore. I'm certainly not going to go all-out seasonal decor in THIS house. It's depressing to see all of the decorations at work, especially when I spy something that I would have liked to put in my home, knowing exactly where I wanted to put it, how nice it would look, and how cozy it would feel. But that's not going to happen for over a year. I find myself thinking that I would like to just skip the holidays this year.

And then I feel stupid. Cause it's all just STUFF! More of it wont make me happy. It doesnt make me who I am. My house and all the stuff in it, didnt define me, and I dont want it to. I get wrapped up in feeling sad and mourning all the stuff that I lost...

Sadness can blind you to what you have. You can drown in sadness, let it suffocate you, consume you. And you get to a point where you can just see the surface above you.

God always comes in, and reaches down, and pulls me out. Patiently dries me off yet again, and reminds me that I have HIM, and that He is all that I need.

I cant think of a title for this one.

Got home yesterday from our annual camping trip with my dad's side of the family. It was so nice to be out of town. Being at our usual spot on Stockton lake, enjoying my family, felt more normal than what I've been living recently. I could slowly feel my body uncoiling, all that tension leaving me. My head doesnt feel like it could explode at any moment. I felt like I reconnected with my husband and daughter. I know that they love me. And I love them more than I can say.

Oh man, the stars out there are amazing. You could see Milky Way bands the minute the sun was down. Matt and I took the rain guard off of our tent, and laid there under the stars, enjoying each other's company, not having to say a single word. Truly content. "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork."

Matt made some great food. We had kabobs, steak, ribs, and an experimental chicken. I had this whole chicken just sitting in the freezer. I thought we could throw it in our cast iron dutch oven and throw it on the fire and see what happened. Matt put in some onion, red pepper and carrot, put the chicken on top with salt, pepper and olive oil, covered it up and placed some hot coals on the lid. We checked it from time to time. After about 3 hours, it was gorgeous. Meat just fell off the bone. The skin was beautiful. I wanted to take a picture, but my phone was dead. We love eating when we're camping. :)

Anyway, we're back in town, getting back to the new norm.

Miss Jade is in the process of getting braces. Today we went in and she had some spacers installed. In 2 weeks, she'll be getting an expander. Should put her in braces sometime in October. My poor girl.

Before I go, I thought I'd share a dream I had last night. Just a quick one, where I was singing "What Wondrous Love is This." I was alone, and then joined by many voices singing with me. It was beautiful. And I woke up half humming. I love when I dream about Jesus.

Thank you.

I just wanted to take the time to say "Thank you!"

I have been blessed upon blessed in this season. I have had to deal with some of the most frustrating things I can think of. Probably the most I will ever have to deal with. And I have more to deal with in the future!

But so many of YOU have been there for me. Next to me, hugging me, sending me scriptures (even at the ass-crack of dawn) loving me with yarn, loving me with cookbooks, smiles, words of encouragement.

People from near and far have given us money, gift cards, clothes, food, toys, games, furniture, a place to stay. Have come from different states to help with the demo of my house.

This thing has changed my life. Not for the bad. It's going to be SO good!! Do you see that?! Even if things dont end up being the way I want them to be, they are going to end up the way God intends them to be.

In my wavering world, GOD is the only constant. Forever loving, everlasting, never changing.

YOU are a blessing to me. God is using you to bless me. Whether you believe in Him or not. Mercy and grace are abounding. I am so thankful that God has given you generous hearts.

Thank you.