It's been 5 weeks since the tornado.
I am still living with M's co-worker. Hopefully, not for much longer. That might sound mean, but I really just want my own place to live. My own space. Not worrying about if I'm bothering someone.
So what's happened in the week or so since I've written last? Almost nothing. Our insurance company still hasnt given us our settlement check. We'll be paying yet another mortgage payment on a house that doesnt even exist anymore.
Oh yeah. They demo'd our house last Friday. I had to leave when they started tearing down J's room. And it sounded awful. Breaking wood, glass... I could only think of how horrible the destruction sounded crashing down around my husband and daughter during that terrible storm.
Also, this isnt over yet. I drove through town like a million times the other day. It was bad. I'm tired of the dusty dirty smell of town. I'm tired of all the brown, splintery wasteland. You can look down sidestreets and it seems like you're looking over the edge of the world. The blackness of night is almost indescribable. Like driving through Kansas at 2am. Just black. Desolate. What remains of the hospital shines on the horizon. I almost expect zombies to attack when I'm down on 20th street. This is what the world will look like someday. After a bomb, or not. Just some day. Broken, dirty, desolate. Lonely. It breaks my heart. Every. Day.
It'll get better at some point. I just wish I knew when.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Patience and Grace
I have come to realize many things these last 3 weeks. Things like, how good people really can be. How much I love my family and how much they love me.
There is evidence of God's grace all around me. He is answering prayers all the time. We will have a home soon. Temporary yes, but a home. My dad, Beth and Russ, they have found homes. Churches from all over the country are sending teams to Joplin to help do anything that victims need. God is pouring out His love on this city, through organizations, people, HIS church, from near and far away. He is opening hearts to give generously. He is providing people with hearts that want to give, to help, to just be there for us.
We were singing a song "All I have is Christ" last week. By the end of the song, I'd had a revelation. THis is not a song to be sung in mourning! I had been singing it as if He was all I had left. My house is gone, all I have is Christ. That's not right. It is to be sung with gladness! ALL I have is Christ. Nothing else matters. One day, everything will look like my poor destroyed house. But Jesus never changes. He is the only constant. Forever.
And so. I'm passing the days in our room, mostly. Sort of regretting that I had told Kohls that I was only available for ad sets. Working during the day would give me something to do.
I'm kind of bored. Zoe sleeps a lot. I feel bad for her... she doesnt really get to run around the backyard. She's on a leash all the time. Our new place wont have much for a backyard, either. We'll figure something out.
Maybe I'll even get to start a new herb garden. Or plant some flowers. I hope so.
We'll see.
There is evidence of God's grace all around me. He is answering prayers all the time. We will have a home soon. Temporary yes, but a home. My dad, Beth and Russ, they have found homes. Churches from all over the country are sending teams to Joplin to help do anything that victims need. God is pouring out His love on this city, through organizations, people, HIS church, from near and far away. He is opening hearts to give generously. He is providing people with hearts that want to give, to help, to just be there for us.
We were singing a song "All I have is Christ" last week. By the end of the song, I'd had a revelation. THis is not a song to be sung in mourning! I had been singing it as if He was all I had left. My house is gone, all I have is Christ. That's not right. It is to be sung with gladness! ALL I have is Christ. Nothing else matters. One day, everything will look like my poor destroyed house. But Jesus never changes. He is the only constant. Forever.
And so. I'm passing the days in our room, mostly. Sort of regretting that I had told Kohls that I was only available for ad sets. Working during the day would give me something to do.
I'm kind of bored. Zoe sleeps a lot. I feel bad for her... she doesnt really get to run around the backyard. She's on a leash all the time. Our new place wont have much for a backyard, either. We'll figure something out.
Maybe I'll even get to start a new herb garden. Or plant some flowers. I hope so.
We'll see.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
God and Elephants
Two amazing things happened today.
1. There is a little girl who is knitting as many elephants as she can before the 17th, and she's asking people to pledge to donate money per elephant she makes. Proceeds go to the Red Cross in Joplin, elephants are going to some very lucky children in Joplin. This little girl is such a blessing. I thanked them for what they are doing, and they offered to donate yarn to me. I am overwhelmed by the love I am feeling from fellow knitters! <3 Thank you "Elephants Remember Joplin."
2. My realtor called today. One of her rentals is freeing up this month, and we are at the top of her list of possible tenants. Thank you Jesus! Thank you, thank you! I cannot even begin to praise as much as is deserved. The evidence of grace is overwhelming. God is good!
1. There is a little girl who is knitting as many elephants as she can before the 17th, and she's asking people to pledge to donate money per elephant she makes. Proceeds go to the Red Cross in Joplin, elephants are going to some very lucky children in Joplin. This little girl is such a blessing. I thanked them for what they are doing, and they offered to donate yarn to me. I am overwhelmed by the love I am feeling from fellow knitters! <3 Thank you "Elephants Remember Joplin."
2. My realtor called today. One of her rentals is freeing up this month, and we are at the top of her list of possible tenants. Thank you Jesus! Thank you, thank you! I cannot even begin to praise as much as is deserved. The evidence of grace is overwhelming. God is good!
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