Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My Soul Clings to the Dust.

Just drove through town, down 20th street for the millionth time. Couldnt take it this time. Cried. I'm having a hard time remembering what things looked like.

As we drove, all I could think about was the people who had to endure the tornado's wrath in their homes. People clutching their children, their husbands, boyfriends, parents, siblings. Scared, in the dark. Hearing the destruction without realizing how horrendous it really was outside. Some knowing how horrendous it was, crouching in their "safe place," covering their heads, suddenly knowing that they are no longer "inside" their houses, maybe even taking a peek at what was going on, only to see debris flying all around them.

I think of what their souls cried out. "Help us, save us, dont let us die. Please God please." So many people crying out to God. So many. People that hadnt prayed in years, people who arent believers in the first place. I wonder what that sounded like to God. I wonder how that made Him feel.

My head cant wrap around the experiences some had to go through. It breaks my heart. But thinking about the outcry to God gives me great hope.

My soul clings to the dust;
give me life according to your word! (psalm 119:25)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

"home" sick.

Last night Matt and I were watching "Star Trek: Voyager" when all of a sudden, I was overwhelmed with homesickness. This house isnt my house. The couch I'm sitting on, isnt my couch. I cant let my doggy out in the backyard to hunt bugs to her heart's content. I cant sit on MY deck and listen to the music of cicadas on a hot summer night. I miss my home.

But it's not really my home.

Today the sermon at church was about putting on the armor of God. Specifically today, "and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace." (Eph 6:15)

Then we flipped over to Ephesians 1. And I was reminded that we are sojourners in the world. That we have been given many riches in Christ, the riches of heaven. That is so much more than what we "have" here on Earth. Everything we had/have has been given to us by God anyway. It all belongs to Him. And what I have waiting for me in heaven, my inheritance, is so amazing that my brain cannot even comprehend it.

Since the brokeness isnt in my face all the time anymore, that I'm becoming comfortable in my surroundings, I feel like my dependance on God is slipping away. That I've got it all covered now. Everything's going to be okay.

But difficulties still lie ahead. Insurance stuff, building. And my hope is in God's plan. HE is not slipping away. I slip away. I become forgetful. I forget how much hope and peace He brought me immediately following the tornado. But Ephesians 1 reminded me. God gave His son for me. Jesus suffered loss of home, gave up everything in His comfortable perfect place in heaven to become homeless and poor for 30 years, ultimately to give His life for our sins, for our good.

I am afraid of forgetting. I need constant reminders, and I must look to God's word for those.

Spiritual Blessings in Christ

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10 as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

11 In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13 In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Harry Potter Night!

That's right, baby. J and I are going to go see Harry Potter tonight at midnight. She made herself a wand from a branch from a tree that's in front of our "house." Quotation marks because really we only have the floors left. Anyway, she decorated it, and it looks pretty neat. She also wanted to make t-shirts, but we didnt get around to it. And honestly, I'm getting tired of spending money.

Isnt that a weird thing to hear a woman say? =P I'm tired of spending money on stuff that I already HAD. Stuff that I need again. And groceries are expensive. And I dont even have to buy canned or dry goods. Got a lot of that from donated food at church. And I'm not working as much as I was, AND I was an idiot and paid my car payment twice in one week. Sheesh. Okay, rant over.

Along the lines of ranting... my husband told my pastor last night that I like to be mad. We'd been talking about how we're feeling lately, and I expressed that I dont like this "back to normal" feeling. Cause it's not normal. It's the "new normal" as some of us at church are calling it. Anyway, my pastor asked why, and M told him that it was because I dont have a reason to be angry anymore. And that I like to be angry. Hehehe. Well, Steev has known me long enough to know that I have anger issues sometimes. Mostly at Christmas (I have retail rage). Gee wiz.

So, something happier. I got to hand out "Watch for God" bracelets to some co-workers last night. I shared how I found them in my bedroom while I was digging a pair of jeans out of the debris. So now they know the story, and can tell it too. Definately a neat thing.

Oh. Here is a video I'd like you to watch. This is Beth and Russ. The first people I saw after the tornado. The first people I got to hug. Russ walked me to my house. I love these guys.

Saturday, July 9, 2011


So, we just moved into our rental over 4th of July weekend. It's big. It's more space than I feel that we need. More space than we can fill. Fill it with what? Yeah. We're kind of going to be living more simplified, which isnt bad.

Things are beginning to feel more normal again. M's mom bought J a nice dresser at a yard sale. J's room definately feels more like a bedroom, and I could tell the difference in J's attitude right away. It's amazing how much comfort a piece of furniture can bring. I suppose I'd like the living room a lot more if we had furniture in it. But I guess I really dont mind having a pc monitor as a tv, sitting on a big cardboard box, with an office/waiting room couch. Using boxes as side tables really isnt awful. Who cares if your glass leaves a ring? Hahaha.

The living room really could use the most work. We scored a really nice, big, diningroom table last Thursday. We can now seat 8 people comfortably. Our bedroom really only had a bed in it to begin with, so I dont care if there's furniture in there or not (the walk-in closet is so nice, we dont need dressers).

Honestly, though, I dont really care about that stuff all that much. I'm more worried about kitchen things, because I use those the most. I'm most certainly missing having a toaster, and tupperware. All the leftovers we've had have gone into ziplock bags. Kinda weird, since I'm talkin about soup and tuna helper, haha. And all 30 of my cookbooks, and almost 3 years worth of Taste of Home magazines bit the dust in the tornado. Super Sadface!

I've got J knitting. She's currently working on an elephant, and some coasters for her bedroom. Just like her mama. Cant work on just one thing. I have a Rammy from "Castlecrashers" that I'm working on (my own pattern!), and an elephant too. A pink one. What's wrong with pink elephants?! :)

So life seems to be resuming as usual. I'm not sure that I like that or not. I sort of miss the urgency of things, the uncertainty of things. The uncomfortable-ness and a real sense of trusting God and His plan for my family, and most importantly, His kingdom.

I dont want to forget what this is all about... God.