Monday, August 29, 2011

I cant think of a title for this one.

Got home yesterday from our annual camping trip with my dad's side of the family. It was so nice to be out of town. Being at our usual spot on Stockton lake, enjoying my family, felt more normal than what I've been living recently. I could slowly feel my body uncoiling, all that tension leaving me. My head doesnt feel like it could explode at any moment. I felt like I reconnected with my husband and daughter. I know that they love me. And I love them more than I can say.

Oh man, the stars out there are amazing. You could see Milky Way bands the minute the sun was down. Matt and I took the rain guard off of our tent, and laid there under the stars, enjoying each other's company, not having to say a single word. Truly content. "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork."

Matt made some great food. We had kabobs, steak, ribs, and an experimental chicken. I had this whole chicken just sitting in the freezer. I thought we could throw it in our cast iron dutch oven and throw it on the fire and see what happened. Matt put in some onion, red pepper and carrot, put the chicken on top with salt, pepper and olive oil, covered it up and placed some hot coals on the lid. We checked it from time to time. After about 3 hours, it was gorgeous. Meat just fell off the bone. The skin was beautiful. I wanted to take a picture, but my phone was dead. We love eating when we're camping. :)

Anyway, we're back in town, getting back to the new norm.

Miss Jade is in the process of getting braces. Today we went in and she had some spacers installed. In 2 weeks, she'll be getting an expander. Should put her in braces sometime in October. My poor girl.

Before I go, I thought I'd share a dream I had last night. Just a quick one, where I was singing "What Wondrous Love is This." I was alone, and then joined by many voices singing with me. It was beautiful. And I woke up half humming. I love when I dream about Jesus.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Thank you.

I just wanted to take the time to say "Thank you!"

I have been blessed upon blessed in this season. I have had to deal with some of the most frustrating things I can think of. Probably the most I will ever have to deal with. And I have more to deal with in the future!

But so many of YOU have been there for me. Next to me, hugging me, sending me scriptures (even at the ass-crack of dawn) loving me with yarn, loving me with cookbooks, smiles, words of encouragement.

People from near and far have given us money, gift cards, clothes, food, toys, games, furniture, a place to stay. Have come from different states to help with the demo of my house.

This thing has changed my life. Not for the bad. It's going to be SO good!! Do you see that?! Even if things dont end up being the way I want them to be, they are going to end up the way God intends them to be.

In my wavering world, GOD is the only constant. Forever loving, everlasting, never changing.

YOU are a blessing to me. God is using you to bless me. Whether you believe in Him or not. Mercy and grace are abounding. I am so thankful that God has given you generous hearts.

Thank you.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Comfort in purpose.

Last night when Matt came to bed, he told me of how the man across the street came over and aske for help moving a piece of furniture. He thinks that the gentleman saw what Jade and a friend had written on our driveway with sidewalk chalk... "Pray for Joplin. God Bless. EF-5 Joplin Tornado survivers live here. Pray for Joplin. Hope for Joplin." Then Matt tells me that the man lost two relatives in the tornado.

I found myself overwhelmed by sadness. And crying, I prayed to God to heal the hearts of those who lost friends, family, maybe faith. And once again, I realized that God puts us all in places for a purpose.

Here I was, thinking that this isnt my neighborhood. I'm a stranger on a strange street, in a strange house. But Matt was here for the man across the street on purpose. We are here for something.

People lived through the tornado on purpose. And people died for a purpose.

I find comfort in knowing that things happen on purpose. It gives me a great hope in God's plan.

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the
wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me.
The LORD will fulfull his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD endures
Do not forsake the work of your hands." Ps 138:7-8

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

It's Too Hot!!

This year we've had the craziest weather. We've had a blizzard, (for us it was, over a foot and a half of snow) and a tornado, and now it's effing hot ALL the time! 100+ degree temps, and there's no relief in sight. Even the swimming pool at our friend's house was too warm to really enjoy.

You know, I've been finding myself very complainy and "Grr" a lot lately. I dont know why, and I dont like it. Sure, my life was totally altered in May. But is it so bad now? Not really. We have our own house, we have our jobs, our health. We have an amazing family who has given so much support. That's including our church family. With out any of them, I dont know where we'd be right now. Still, somedays it takes everything in me to tell you that I'm okay.

Little annoyances arise when I try to do something, mostly in the kitchen, and realize that I'm missing tools. Do I really need to go buy a baster right this second? No, I can just baste my chicken with a spoon. Must I bake muffins, or should I just find something else to make? But these issues shouldnt ruin an entire day...

Between the hot, the long hours at work, the stress this tornado business had put me through, I think I'm really just exhausted. And it's taking a toll on my attitude, and my family and work friends suffer my complaining and bad attitude as a result.

So I apologize, friends, family. Bear with me. This mourning/trauma/depression, whatever you want to call it, isnt over yet, though I wish I could just put it in a pocket and hide it and pretend it's not happening.

My hope in God is all that is really keeping me from losing it sometimes, I think.