The world is upside-down

On May 22nd, 2011 at 5:45pm, my life changed forever.

I went to work early that evening. The sky to the west was black and ominous. Walked into the store and stopped to talk to my boss. She told me about a dream she had 2 days prior about us all standing at the windows and watching a tornado coming. Or going. I cant remember. I actually couldnt remember what I had done the entire day before going to work, until my husband told me later on.

5 minutes after I get to work, we are all coralled into the customer service/bathroom/breakroom area, under a tornado warning for our area. I went and logged on to one of the computers to check the radar. Other's had the news on in the breakroom. Calls started coming in on people's phones that a tornado had touched down somewhere in town, but they couldnt tell us exactly where it was. I just assumed it was somewhere on the edge of town, like always. Tornados never go through Joplin. Just around it.

About 20 minutes later, we are cleared to leave customer service and resume our work positions. I decide to try to give my husband a call. At the same time, someone reports that the Home Depot in town was gone. If a tornado hit coming from the west (which it would have) then that meant there was a good possibility that my house was in it's path. I live almost in a direct line west of Home Depot. I try calling my husband. Cell phone is going to voice mail. The house phone is busy. I try over and over. Finally, fear sets in. What if my house got hit? What if my husband is dead?! My daughter?!! I tell my boss that I cant get a hold of him. I tell her that I have to leave. I clock off and rush to my car. From the parking lot, you cant even tell that there had been a tornado in town.

I drive down one of the major streets. Traffic is insane. So I go down a side street. I travel about 5 blocks and start seeing trees down. My friend calls and asks if we're okay. I dont know if we are okay. I dont know if my family is okay. I keep driving and the damage gets worse and worse. I'm between tears and freaking out. I dont know whether to cry or to scream, or to mourn the loss of my family.

Finally, I cant go any further. There is a huge tree in my way. I realize that I am on the same street that my dear friends Beth and Russ live on. I see their house. It doesnt have a roof on it. I ditch my car, and run to their house, around trees, over power lines, up their steps. I scream their names. Beth walks out of a back room, clutching her 3 month old baby, and she has a look of horror on her face. Her front door wont open, and I'm on their porch. I just want to hug her. All I can hear are smoke detectors and car alarms, people screaming each other's names. I run to the back of their house, go inside and hug Beth. Nothing else feels real. She asks me if I'm okay. If my family is okay. I dont know if they are. Am I?

I start getting texts from J's dad. He's asking me if M and J are okay. I still dont know. I tell him I'm headed home. He is headed there too. Beth's mom shows up, then Russ's parents. I need to go home. Russ comes with me. We drive as far as we can, and then decide to ditch the car and walk. The world is wet, beeping, smells like gas, wood, and rain. People are crying, people are everywhere, and I want to hug everyone. We take on a girl who has to get to Rangeline. We walk down a road by a park. Trees are uprooted. Big trees. Power lines are all over the place. Gas meters are hissing. Stuff is beeping.

We finally hit 20th street and start toward my house. I cant tell where we are. Everything is wood, splinters, trees are stripped of their bark. Cars are upside down. People everywhere. I finally get a text from J's dad saying that they are okay. Thank Jesus!!

Russ asks me if I lived by a shop. I said yes. Apparently we were on my street. We walk and walk and finally I'm standing in my drive way. I can hardly tell it's my house. I fall to my knees and cry. I cant believe that my family walked away from it alive. But they arent there. I must see them.

Russ and I part ways. I go on foot to M's parent's house. They arent there either! Finally they know where I am and come tearing down the street to the house. My husband is out of the van before it even stops moving. I hug him. I touch him and cling to him and never want to let him go.

And that's where things are a blur. I dont get to see J until 10pm that night. And she seems like the best thing I've ever laid eyes on.

Life since has been a dream. I still wish I would wake up from it. My house has been dug through, dismantled. My city is a wasteland, split in two. With a big gash in the middle. A gash that is dry and dusty. Full of insulation. Empty and hopeless.

But not hopeless. I have a great hope. His name is Jesus. His plans are perfect, and he knows what they are. We are in this for his purpose. And his purpose is always good.